


by your side

by ffreckles



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: (hes briefly mentioned lol), Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Hair stroking, M/M, Panic Attacks, Platonic Soulmates, Self-Doubt, Stress, Stress Relief, Tour, idk - Freeform, is that a tag, reassurance, record deal, sleeping, they r soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25040080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ffreckles/pseuds/ffreckles
Summary: five times cody and noel really appreciated each other
Relationships: Cody Ko & Noel Miller, Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 12
Kudos: 76





	by your side

**Author's Note:**

> tw panic attacks
> 
> disclaimer: i wrote this with the intention of it being platonic but u can interpret it however u want :) they really r just guys bein dudes  
> (respect the girls tho ofc)
> 
> hope u enjoy!

**_1_ **

they haven’t even been on the road a week, but cody is already starting to feel it. 

maybe it’s how sleep deprived he’d already been before they left, maybe it‘s the fact that a tour bus bunk isn’t necessarily the most relaxing of environments, maybe it’s the amount of back to back shows they were doing, maybe all of the above. all he knows is: he‘s exhausted. 

despite this, he hasn’t really made any effort to get more rest. sure, he’s taken little 10 minute naps here and there while waiting for a venue to open or a video to upload, but the amount of real, good sleep he’s getting is becoming less and less. he knows it’s bad and he knows it‘ll catch up to him eventually, but in this moment he‘s forgotten about it completely. 

they’re sitting on the couch of a green room, silently scrolling on their phones. they really didn’t need to be here for at least a few more hours, but they also had nothing better to do. 

cody perks up as noel calls his name, chuckling, “ay man, c’mere. you gotta see this.”

he quickly scoots over to noels side of the couch, leaning over his shoulder to view his phone screen. they both laugh as a clip of 6ix9ine saying god knows what plays, noel chiming in after it finishes, “he’s such a fuckin dumbass dude, it’s unbelievable.”

cody hums in response and chuckles, but whatever noel says next is a blur. 

“cody? you good?”

the sound of noels voice startles cody, causing him to finally realize the position he‘s in. 

he‘d nearly passed the fuck out, right then and there, with his head resting on noel’s shoulder. he panics, quickly lifting his head up and scooting away from noel. 

“shit, sorry man,” he rubs his hand on his face, sighing, “i didn’t even realize i was that tired, sorry.”

noel is quick to reassure him, “nah man it’s fine, if you gotta sleep you gotta sleep.”

cody chuckles, smiling weakly as he runs his hands through his hair. 

“hey, come here, man.”

cody turns to look back at noel, who’s now switched positions. he‘s leaning back into the couch, looking right at cody with the warmest smile on his face.

“you can rest on me, if it’s comfortable.”

cody feels like crying. as much as noel plays up his tough guy, ‘i don’t care’ persona for the camera, he really is sweet when it comes to the people he cares about. he doesn’t need to say that he loves you, he just shows it.

cody scoots back over towards noel until he‘s right next to him, hesitantly resting his head on the man’s shoulder once more. he‘s tense, noel can tell. 

“relax b, i got you.”

cody takes a deep breath and repositions his head so that he‘s more comfortable, once again feeling his exhaustion take over. within only a few moments his breathing evens out and he‘s fading into sleep, lips slightly parted and hair dangling in front of his face. as cliché as it is, noel is tempted to move it. 

he lifts his hand from his lap, using a few fingers to brush the strands away from cody’s face and up into his scalp.

he‘s seen kelsey run her fingers through cody’s hair many times before, he figured that was a normal thing all girlfriends did, but he had no idea how much it actually did for him. within just a few seconds of touching his hair, he can feel cody’s entire body relax and press further into his. 

he doesn’t necessarily mind it — cody’s hair is soft and he knows he needs the rest — so he keeps his hand there. cody doesn’t budge, although he probably doesn’t even have the energy to protest if he wanted to. noel moves his fingers through the brunette locks a bit more, cody simply falling into a deeper and deeper state of rest. he had to admit, cody looked kinda cute like this, and he didn’t dare fuck with his beauty sleep.

so they sit like that for a while, noel with his fingers in cody’s hair, cody breathing slowly as he sleeps properly for the first time in a while. it makes noel feel safe. he‘s happy to be helping his friend, happy to be with him at all, even if it just means sitting in silence for an hour or so. 

after a while he lifts his hand from cody’s hair, opting to scroll through his phone a bit more instead. noel sat, cody slept, neither of them could say for how long. eventually, noel feels the man on his shoulder shuffle a bit. cody yawns, lifting himself from noels side and stretching. noel smiles, “better?”

cody smiles back, gently nodding, “better.”

**_2_ **

this happens a lot.

noel is an overthinker. it only takes one little thing to send him down a rabbit hole, filled with questions and anxiety and pretending that he’s not about to cry. he’ll sit and sulk and then decide that he’s ready to move on, even if he isn’t. he can never really tell if it continues to bother him in the days afterwards, and if it does he’s learned to ignore it. 

this happens a lot, but noel doesn’t like to talk about it. 

except this time, he’s making an exception. 

his thumb hovers over the call button on cody’s contact, shaking as he struggles to steady his breathing. this is normal, right? it’s normal to call your friend at 5PM on a weekday when you’re having an identity crisis and you just need someone to remind you that everything is real. right?

he presses call before he can answer that question or the countless others racing through his mind. 

he brings the phone to his ear. he’s staring at the wall, palms sweating as the dial tone begins. it doesn’t play for long until a familiar voice greets him, “hey man, what’s good?”

he can’t even fucking speak. he wants to tell cody everything but he also wants to throw his phone across the room. 

“noel?”

the use of his name brings him back to reality, and he hesitantly responds with the only thing he can think of, “hi.”

“hi, are you okay?”

“no.”

“what’s wrong? and don’t lie to me.”

“i-i don’t know, man, i’m in my own head. i just needed to hear your voice.”

noel’s as surprised as anybody that he just said that. 

“oh, you’re sappy? damn, this is serious,” noel can hear the smile in his voice. he exhales a bit from his from his nose, feeling the tiniest smile take over his mouth as well. 

“seriously, man, talk to me. you know you can talk to me, right?”

noel doesn’t really know the answer to that question either. as many times as he’s heard it in his life, he’s never known whether to believe it or not. 

“yeah, i just don’t know how to say it, sorry.”

“don’t apologize, take your time.”

there’s been a lot of that too. he often takes that phrase too close to heart, sitting in silence and taking his time to himself, isolated and avoidant. he almost wants to hang up, but he’s also extremely stubborn and won’t let himself get off that easily.

“i don’t know man, i just,” he pauses for a moment, still trying to find the right words, “i just feel like my videos don’t have a purpose anymore, i don’t even know what i wanna do with them and i don’t know if anyone watching even cares to find out. you ever feel like that?”

noel lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

“yeah, sometimes, but noel, listen to me,” he can hear cody shift in his chair, and his stomach drops at the amount of concern in his voice, “i can guarantee you people care about what you do, no matter what it is. they wanna see you, that’s the most important part.”

and there it is, the optimism that noel cherishes so dearly. cody’s not always so hopeful, no one can be confident 100% of the time, but when he is it’s when noel needs it the most. 

“if you wanna try something new, go for it. if you wanna go back to doing something, go for it. whatever you wanna do, just fuckin do it, man. i know it’ll be amazing because everything you do is amazing.”

cody hears a sniffle from the other end of the line. 

“thanks man, means a lot.”

“love you, noel.”

**_3_ **

they’d been working almost non-stop for a month. planning tour, working out sponsorships, writing music, writing material, making videos, streaming, podcasting, stressing about every little thing that happened along the way. well, that last part was mainly cody. 

see, noel is the type of person who can let himself believe everything will be okay, even when everything is happening all at once. he hasn’t always been like that, but he’s learned to give himself the privilege. of course, he worries, anyone would, but unlike cody he can give himself a break every once in a while. he can also generally be confident that things will work themselves out, even when it feels like everything is crumbling down.

cody is usually the same, but when he’s stressed it’s a different story. 

cody thrives on schedule, it’s the only way he can even be semi-sure that things will go as planned. without schedule, cody might as well go fuck himself, because he can’t get things done when he’s constantly worrying about all the other things he needs to do and if he’ll be able to do it all.

yet here he is, 30 minutes late to a music video shoot that _he_ scheduled. fuck him, right?

“shit shit shit shit-“ cody slams the door to his car, fumbling with his keys to find the button to lock it as he downs the last of his coffee. his car beeps as it locks, and he quickly shoves his keys into his pocket, swinging his backpack from where it rests in the crease of his elbow up and over his shoulder. he jogs, no, _runs_ towards the warehouse they’ve rented out for the day, haphazardly throwing his empty starbucks cup into a trash can along the way. when he finally reaches the door he’s panting, feeling lightheaded as he bursts through. 

“i’m here, fuck, i’m here, i’m so sorry.”

noel’s eyes dart to his from across the room, where he’s talking with a worried spock and cameraman. he takes a deep breath and quickly makes his way towards cody, starting once he’s made it a few feet, “yo, where the fuck were you man?”

“i-i’m sorry i don’t-i lost track of time, i guess, there’s just so much going on and it-fuck i’m so sorry i’m such a fuckin-“

cody’s incoherent rambling is brought to an abrupt end as noel places his hand on his shoulder, “cody, cody, you gotta relax man,” cody stares at the ground as noel continues, “listen, there’s nothing we can do about it now. i mean, we got the place for the whole day so it should be fine,” noel shakes the brunette’s shoulder, “look at me,” cody listens, hesitantly raising his gaze to meet noels. his face looks worried, and his tone is different when he speaks up again, “just take a second and then we gotta get started, alright?” cody responds with a small nod as he inhales deeply. noel slaps his shoulder twice before walking away, saying something to the crew about getting the opening shot ready to film. only then does cody exhale.

the shoot goes surprisingly well at first. it doesn’t take them too long to get a couple good takes of the hook, noel breezes through his verse, and they get past the second chorus in no time. the real problem arises when cody has to do his verse, and keeps on forgetting his lines.

“fuck, take a hike! take a hike! how hard is that to remember, fuck. god fucking dammit.”

cody runs his hand over his face, scolding himself internally. _first you’re late, now you can’t even lip sync the damn thing. this shoot’s going to shit, just remember your fucking lines and-_

“cody, cody, come back to me.” noel is standing right by his side, speaking softly, “let’s take a break.”

cody presses two fingers against the bridge of his nose, mumbling under his breath, “fuck.”

then he realizes what noel just said.

“wait, a break? nonono it’s fine, man, i got it now let’s just do one more, i’m good.” he can feel himself panicking. he doesn’t want to delay the shoot even more, not because he’s being stupid and childish and a dumbass who can’t even remember his fucking-

“let’s take 30 minutes guys, get some lunch.”

“no, noel it’s-“

noel grabs his arm, forcing cody to meet his gaze and lowering his voice into a near whisper, “cody, you stubborn piece of shit, listen to me. you need a break. we’re taking a break. i don’t care what you say, it’s happening.”

the anxiety mixes with relief. he still wants to protest, he wants to go back in time and get the shot right, he wants to cry but he also wants to scream and he knows noel is right but that might be the worst part of it all. cody can’t fix everything, and the more he tries to the more he’ll stress himself out and the more everything will go wrong. 

noel already knew all of that, cody didn’t even have to say it. he knew where this day was going the moment cody showed up late. he can see the bags under his eyes, he can see where he’s been biting at his fingernails, he can recognize every nervous twitch and what it means. he knows cody’s limit more than cody does, and cody couldn’t have been more appreciative than he was in that moment.

cody responds quietly, biting his lip, “okay.”

noel maintains his grip on cody’s arm, leading them both outside. the warmth of the afternoon sun fills cody’s body, slowly bringing him back to reality. noel’s hold on his arm loosens, and soon his hand is simply resting on cody’s shoulder. he breaks the silence, “better?”

cody simply hums in response, breathing in the dry summer air and forgetting about everything for a moment. 

“cmon, let’s sit.”

cody still doesn’t speak, he just follows noel to the curb and sits beside him. 

they sit for a while. not talking, just sitting, taking in the world around them, listening to the sounds of car engines as they drive by, the chirping of birds in trees, and each other’s breathing. cody feels calmer, at peace. he needed this. 

he turns his head to look at noel, smiling, “thank you.”

noel turns his head, eyes meeting cody’s as he reaches his arm around the brunettes shoulder. he shakes him lightly, smiling back, “‘course man, i got u.”

**_4_ **

everything in the room is a blur. his palms are sweating so much and his body is so numb he feels like he could drop the mic at any moment and not notice a thing. he’s talking but he doesn’t know what he’s saying, the sound of the crowd muffled over the ringing in his ears. the repetition of reality plays in his mind. 

_lights, crowd, computer, mic, cody._

_crowd, computer, mic, cody._

_computer, mic, cody._

_mic, cody._

_cody._

cody is looking right at him, realization spreading across his face as they lock eyes. 

“alright then, let’s move on to the reaction video,” cody puts on the best sing-songy voice he can despite his stomach being in his throat. 

the crowd cheers, but cody is still looking at noel. as they lock eyes again cody mouths the only thing noel really needed the most in that moment,

_i got this._

and in that moment he feels a kind of relief like nothing before, a comfort that reels him back in just enough to grasp at reality. 

he grabs a water bottle from the ground next to him, clearing his throat as he opens it. 

_you got this._

**_5_ **

noel really never thought he’d get this far. it was cliche, and he hated cliches, but what else was there to say when you were signing a fucking record deal with your best friend? you never expect something like that, so when it happens you don’t really know how to feel. 

of course you’re grateful, excited, hopeful, all the expected, normal reactions, but there’s also a bit of fear mixed in there. maybe it’s a fear of disappointing people, or a fear that you don’t deserve everything coming to you, or maybe it’s just plain disbelief. of course, it’s most likely a mix of all three, so that’s what makes it so overwhelming. 

noel is sitting at the dining room table, smiling at cody. the latter is standing a few feet away, struggling to open a bottle of champagne held out in front of him. 

“need help, big guy?”

“no, shut up, i got it.”

“really? cause it doesn’t-“

he’s interrupted by the pop of the cork from the bottle, followed by a triumphant laugh from cody and a middle finger to the face accompanied by the brunette’s sing-songy voice,

“fuuuck youu!”

noel chuckles, shaking his head and flipping cody off in response.

“you want some or not, asshole?”

noel responds quickly, unable to wipe the smile off of his face, “yeah, yeah, here,” he grabs two plastic cups they had sitting on the table from dinner, holding them out for cody to pour into. 

they clink their cups together as cody sits, taking a sip of the chilled beverage.

“‘cheers’ing has gotta be one of the whitest things ever.”

cody chuckles, “shut up man, we gotta celebrate somehow. hand me that pen.”

noel obliges, watching as the brunette begins to read through the papers in front of him, getting more sucked in with every word.

in that moment the reality fully hits him. that man is his best friend, and that man is someone he hopes to spend the rest of his life with. even if they weren’t signing a record deal right now, he would still wish for that. the add on of a life achievement is just a bonus.

“what?”

noel shakes himself out of his daze, “huh?”

“why were you staring at me like that?”

“like what?”

“i don’t know, just looked like you were thinking a lot.”

noel hated being sappy, but in that moment it was the only thing he could do. 

“i’m just really happy.”

cody furrows his brow, “who are you, and what did you do with noel?”

“shut up man, this is just really fucking crazy.”

cody smirks, shaking his head and exhaling out of his nose, “i know, man, shit.”

when they meet eyes there’s nothing else they can do but smile. 

“thank you man, for everything.”

cody turns his gaze away and takes a deep breath, “thank you too, man.” he sniffles. 

“are you crying?”

“yeah, maybe, shut up.”

“you’re gonna make me cry.”

“let’s be big babies together, then.”

as they turn to look at each other again the same smiles spread across their faces, except this time their eyes are glossed over and their vision is a bit blurry. cody chuckles,

“we’re literally just staring at each other crying, bro. is this weird?”

“i don’t know,” noel decides to ignore the premise, unable to answer it himself, “love you, dude.”

“love you too, man,” cody smiles and shakes his head again, picking up the pen from where he’d set it on the table and looking back to the contract in front of him, “now let’s get down to business, shall we?”

“gimme a second, i can’t read through tears.”

they both laugh, smiling at one another and wiping their eyes as they drown out the world around them, basking in the comfort of each other. 

**Author's Note:**

> hi i hope u liked it :O
> 
> also sorry if certain things r inaccurate! i based the anxiety section off of my own experience + noel's personal accounts of his experience so i hope i didnt do him dirty
> 
> twt: DLSCORDBABE


End file.
